Month: December 2023

2023)

To Siena, then, to continue our guests’ intial foray into Italy. I prefer Siena to Florence, but acknowledge that I have not explored it fully enough. We frequently end up doing the same cycle when we visit: same car park, up tons of escalators to the Basilica di San Francesco, a game of spot-the-peek-a-boobies, circular or back-and-forth around the shopping streets until we hit the Piazza del Campo, a trip around the Cathedral square, a spot of lunch, gelato and maybe on the way back stop in Cannoleria Ke Cassata to grab some arancine for a light evening snack.

We pretty much did that, but skipped Ke Cassata this time around – they may have been closed, or moved to their main shop indicated by the link above (do try them if you’re in the mood for a snack, though).

We had to get there first, and so we stopped off to ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ at the amazing countryside surrounding Staccioli’s ‘O’, just outside the town.

We didn’t walk down to the sculpture itself, because we made that mistake already in wettish weather in April 2019. Now, I know it doesn’t look wet in the above picture, but the above soil is super-loose, potentially damp (yes, it rains seasonally in Tuscany!) and you stand a chance of destroying your footwear. If you really want to ‘gram the ‘O’, do call later in the year, when the soil is far dryer. If you’re visiting before May, then you can still park near it as we did and admire the incredible views.

Anyhoo, we got to Siena, and once up and past the Basilica, we started shopping for a handbag. I can’t remember the specific brand, but I remember it being important to the ladies. We popped into one bag shop, had a quick look-about and asked the owner if he knew of a place which sold <BAG-BRAND>. He said he didn’t, so our long search came to an end. Instead, we spent 30 or so minutes in a make-up store. I can’t say I was in my element, but was happy that the ladies seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Once done, and with a growing sense of pride, we led the guests to the Piazza del Campo, all ready to show them what, in my opinion, is Italy’s greatest square. Others think of St. Peter’s in Rome or St. Mark’s in Venice, but they were designed to make you feel small and insignificant – Piazza del Campo is more secular, warm and welcoming. ”So, here we go! Ta-daaaaah…. uhh…?” Except that today, the lighting was flat for that little while we were there, and the place looked like a building site. Shit.

Ugh. You did me dirty, Siena. Can I ever forgive you?

Lunch was next on the cards, and we knew of a place at the bottom of the hill down from Siena’s Cathedral – past the catacombs. We brought the ladies to the main Cathedral square, so they could have a look at its incredible facade.

At last they were suitably impressed. We were just giving them a taster of the town, so we didn’t go inside – but in the square you can go to the ticket office to buy tickets for the catacombs and to enable you to explore the roof – definitely worth a bash if you’re in town and have some spare time. Anyway, we hunted for the restaurant, and for the life of us couldn’t find it. We instead found a place (Ristorante Osteria Bonelli). There were a couple of other groups in, so the service was a little… weird… at times – I think we had to change one of the plates. In fairness, it might have been one of the first days of the season for them. Some of the food was nice enough, though.

We successfully negotiated our payment, as a large gaggle of students kindly stepped aside to let us go first. Each one was only paying for their own food, so I’m glad we dodged that.

We decided to head back to the car, but taking a slow route. We passed by one of the steep and stepped lanes to the Piazza del Campo, and I cast a wary glance at it, having already considered it a bit of a traitor this visit. And I gasped. And took one of the best photos I’ve ever taken. Lookit! It’s like a Canaletto painting!

All was well with the world once more, until the guests spotted Siena’s branch of Nino and Friends, which is a confectioner with branches scattered throughout the regions of Tuscany and Campania – with stores also in Venice and Taormina (Sicily). They’re are instantly recognisable, with their chocolate ‘waterfalls’ in the shop windows. Now, I don’t have a general problem with Nino and Friends. Their products are good, and you’ll have a fun time with the salespeople there, most of whom, I am convinced, popped out of the womb being able to smooth-talk the Inuit into buying ice. Anyway, our interaction went something like follows (I have taken some artistic license – also, apologies – I have no idea this will read on a mobile phone!):

I ALMOST DIED, a drama

Cast of Characters
HAPLESS IDIOT: An overweight middle-aged man, with pattern baldness, Irish
WIFE: HAPLESS IDIOT’s long-suffering wife, Irish
FRIEND: A friend of WIFE for many years. Irish, but having lived in Scotland for many years
TEENAGER: The daughter of FRIEND, current champion of the universe in 8-ball pool on the XBox, very definitely Scottish
SALESMAN: The salesman in a confectioner’s shop, very definitely Italian

EXT. STREET IN SIENA, TUSCANY – DAY
It’s bustling in the streets with the sounds of many accents and languages mixing in an excited babble. HAPLESS IDIOT is filming a sweeping shot on is iPhone, while WIFE, FRIEND and TEENAGER look excitedly towards a store.

TEENAGER
Ooh, look – a sweetie shop!

WIFE and FRIEND (together, longingly)
Chocolate… waterfall…

TEENAGER, WIFE and FRIEND walk into the shop, as if spellbound. HAPLESS IDIOT finishes his sweeping shot, spins around some more looking for the three ladies who have seemingly vanished into thin air. He then spots them in the store, and spends the next half-minute trying to turn off his phone, muttering curses under his breath. HAPLESS IDIOT then walks into the shop.

INT. NINO AND FRIENDS, A CONFECTIONARY STORE, SIENA, TUSCANY – DAY

SALESMAN (seeing HAPLESS IDIOT and indicating TEENAGER)
…and we can try some. Ah! Is this the Pappa?

HAPLESS IDIOT (incredulously, indicating TEENAGER)
Of her?! Have you seen her? She’s gorgeous.

SALESMAN gives HAPLESS IDIOT a quick appraising look up and down.

SALESMAN
Ah, yes – perhaps not.

Quick cut to to HAPLESS IDIOT, frowning.

Cut back to SALESMAN producing a tray of several types of spherical candies.

SALESMAN (indicating a pile of yellow candies)
So, maybe we start with this one.

Everyone takes a candy, places in their mouth and bites down.

FRIEND
Gosh, there’s quite a bit of booze in that, isn’t there?

TEENAGER (puzzled look on her face)
What is it?

WIFE
Ah, Limoncello!

HAPLESS IDIOT
Yummo!

SALESMAN
Yes, Limoncello. Nice, huh? Try this one.

SALESMAN proffers another corner of the try. All 4 take a sample and bite down. The 3 adults look a little more disappointed with it.

SALESMAN
This one – just lemon, no alcohol.

TEENAGER
Yum!

There is a beat.

FRIEND
Do you have any more with booze?

SALESMAN looks thoughtful, before reaching towards sample bottles of liquour.

SALESMAN
These are cream liquours. Like limoncello, but creamy. Maybe you
like to try melon?

SALESMAN pours pours out samples of the creamy orange liquour into 4 tiny paper cups. (Screenwriter’s note – due to my upcoming trauma, I can’t remember if TEENAGER partook in these samples, but for the sake of added comedy value and given her Scottish heritage, I am assuming she did. When in Rome, etc.). All 4 grab a cup and sip the liquid back. There are murmurs of appreciation from all 4.

HAPLESS IDIOT
Wow! It really tastes like melon!

SALESMAN
Yes. It is made from melon.

HAPLESS IDIOT
Yeah.

SALESMAN
Yes.

There is another beat.

SALESMAN (excitedly)
Pistacchio! Let us try pistacchio!

The process begins again. The SALESMAN fills the same 4 tiny paper cups with a creamy green liquid. Again, the cups are raised, but the faces are different after the first sip.

WIFE
I like pistacchio, but I don’t like this.

FRIEND
Yes, it’s not great is it?

TEENAGER
…

HAPLESS IDIOT
I prefer melon.

SALESMAN
You like pistacchio! Un attimo. Eh, moment, please!

SALESMAN dashes off for a moment, while the 4 take a casual look at the goods in the shop. SALESMAN returns quickly with a short, wide jar of something.

SALESMAN
Crema di pistacchio! Very delicious. Like Nutella, you spread it, but it’s pistacchio.

HAPLESS IDIOT
So, it’s pistacchio, then.

SALESMAN
Yes.

HAPLESS IDIOT
Yeah.

WIFE
Yes, we’ll try some.

SALESMAN gets 4 little tasting sticks and opens the jar. One by one, he places a generous topping on the green cream onto each stick, offers it to the ladies first, before ending up with HAPLESS IDIOT. Each person tries it and indicates through sounds of approval how yummy it is.

HAPLESS IDIOT
Wow! That’s delicious! I really…

There is a gagging sound, as the cream slides down HAPLESS IDIOT’s throat, and gets caught there, seemingly blocking his airway. He is still breathing, but his larynx feels like it has just been sandblasted, and breaths come in gasps. His voice turns into Brando’s Godfather’s.

SALESMAN
Sir, are you alright!

HAPLESS IDIOT (in Godfather voice)
I’ll be ok in a minute.

Tears are streaming down HAPLESS IDIOT’s face while he simultaneously coughs as he fights for breath. SALESMAN grabs a fresh mini paper cup and adds creamy meloncello. FRIEND and TEENAGER have grabbed a few more limoncello candies from the sample tray while SALESMAN is distracted. SALESMAN hands the cup to HAPLESS IDIOT who knocks it back between gasps. It does not have the desired immediate effect.

HAPLESS IDIOT (in Godfather voice)
Need… water…

HAPLESS IDIOT turns away from SALESMAN, and is quickly joined by FRIEND and TEENAGER, leaving WIFE standing by SALESMAN. Quick cut to WIFE looking thoughtfully at the jar, and back again to the other 3, who are standing in a row. HAPLESS IDIOT fumbles for a bottle of water in his manbag while FRIEND and TEENAGER are popping limoncello candies. HAPLESS IDIOT finds the water and unscrews the cap, while looking at FRIEND and TEENAGER. He seems FRIEND and TEENAGER red-faced and shaking with laughter, tears also streaking down their face – but not in sympathy. Oh no.

TEENAGER
We’re walkin’ oota here pished!

Cut to a close up of SALESMAN and WIFE. Coarse coughing and hacking and squeaks of feminine laughter can bear heard in the background. WIFE hands the jar to the SALESMAN.

WIFE
I’ll take one of these.

Cut closer to WIFE, who is now uplit from below, giving her a sinister appearance.

WIFE (sotto voce)
Yes, that ought to be enough.

FADE OUT

THE END

I hope you enjoyed that. I certainly didn’t.

We walked out of the store with some sweets and a jar of death-cream in the end. In fairness, this was an unfortunate fluke – their pistacchio cream is absolutely delish. But our taste for sweet treats didn’t end there. Oh no! We passed by a very tourist-choked gelateria. I had a fair idea that it was not going to be the best, but I also didn’t want to argue, as I thought any gelato would soothe my throat. The gelato was piled high in troughs – almost always a bad sign. I got a couple of flavours, and it was incredibly sweet. Too sweet, in fact. For the first time ever I didn’t finish off a helping of gelato, but chucked about a third of it in the bin.

We got back to the car, and I felt that we had enough time to have a quick tour of the nearby tiny walled village of Monteriggione. We just missed grabbing a free carpark spot. We didn’t spend too long there, as we also missed being able to walk the walls. Sure, any one of Volterra’s panoramic views beats those!

You can trot it from end-to-end in 30 seconds, but it’s so lovely in the sunshine, that’s it’s really worth the visit! There was a brief(ish) stop in a jewellers; little knick-knacks were bought. Sadly, the Pratesi store there wasn’t open yet.

Home for some much-needed relaxation.

Later that evening, we had a little bit of hunger on us, and so I was sent forth on a quest for pizza we could share. I went to La Mangiatoia and the chef there was working on a larger order (I opted for a burger and fries instead of pizza), so I made ours and sat down to have a beer and a chat to kill the time. They’re so nice in there.

Wearing my jacket. It can get chilly in Tuscany!

Afterwards, we relaxed and before bed I was once again soundly thrashed by TEENAGER in pool.

She has the socks of a baby angel, but the eyes of a ravenous hawk

Cheerio for now – I hope you enjoyed this read. Let me know what you think!

A Double-Tour of Volterra (26/03/2023)

It was to be our guests’ first full day in Volterra. So, rather than head out to show them the wider sights of Tuscany, it only seemed fair to show off our lovely town.

Firstly, I got up that morning and had a walk about, marvelling at how green the land is around this time of year.

Via Portal all’Arco looking unusually good this morning

It was deliciously fresh that morning, and this doesn’t sound too farty, a boon for the soul, as you look at the light cascading off the hills, and capturing the pale brickwork of the buildings.

I took myself towards the residential area near the football stadium. I worried a couple of cats, and got caught in a cul-de-sac. Going past the stadium itself, I walked as far as the entrance to Park Hotel le Fonti. We stayed there for our second ever Volterra stay in June 2018, over a year before I started this blog. We found the place a little careworn, but the room pleasant. They had a pool on a plaza which overlooked the Val di Cecina/Val d’Era (latter as you looked farther north. The views were stunning.

The most major problem with the hotel was also its location – it was a cruel walk up to the town, and if you had mobility, heart or pulmonary issues it would have been an extremely difficult feat to get to the town itself. But we managed, and in the evening we remembered the stunning smell of honeysuckle and the playful darting and weaving of fireflies.

Sadly, I have since learned that the hotel closed down, which is a great shame. I hope they find a new buyer who can do justice to the location’s potential (start by offering minibuses to the town!).

I climbed back up towards Porta all’Arco, via the lovely Chiesa di Sant’ Alessandro. There a lady stopped me to beg for money. She seemed to me to be quite well-dressed, and looked comfortable – so I was surprised. I dropped her a coin and went on my way. I heard a few months later on my return that she passed away. You just never know what’s going on with people. I have also been told that there are a number of people in town who were originally held in the Psychiatric hospital on the outskirts of Volterra, and have been accosted by an older gentleman from time to time. Bless them. It’s hard to imagine the atrocious conditions they may have had to put up with.

Later that morning, we took our guests around Volterra.

A few years ago, Volterra’s cathedral reopened after having been under renovation for a few years before that. We were actually there for the reopening (see towards the end of this blog). Some time back, they started charging into the Cathedral and the nearby baptistry. I will neither support nor condone this. If you want to see Volterra’s Cathedral, then pop in on a Sunday during a mass. Niamh’s friend wanted to see the inside (the outside is rather austere). We found out that tickets were not on sale just inside the door like they used to be, but rather at the nearby exhibition centre. It turns out that they were charging the same price for the exhibition centre, but now including the Cathedral and baptistry. You still had to buy a ticket for them, but at least my righteous indignation was somewhat quelled.

We first went into the exhibition centre and had a wander around the temporary alabaster exhibit, before checking out the more permanent local art in the rooms upstairs.

What a fab surprise that awaited us after checking out the art. They had opened a new panoramic viewing balcony in the centre! I was able to grab a couple of never-before-seen (by me) shots.

Then it was off to the religious buildings – starting with the baptistry.

If you visit many of the larger towns with historical religious squares in Italy (e.g. Pisa, Florence, Volterra – ahem), you will quickly note that the baptistry is often on its own, separate to its accompanying Cathedral. This is because, back in the day, you weren’t allowed to enter a place of Christian consecrated worship unless you were yourself a Christian. So, you got baptised in the separate building and then were allowed into the Cathedral. Anyway, you can see Volterra’s baptistry above. It only requires a short visit, before you can head off to the Cathedral.

Forgive me if I’ve recounted this before, but Volterra’s Cathedral is somewhat unusual, in that it is attached to the more secular Palazzo dei Priori. This is because, when the town’s ruler (only for a period of 6 months, I think) was elected, they and their family had to spend their entire tenure within the Palazzo, lest they be bribed, murdered, tickled etc. But they also still had to attend mass, and did so via a chamber which joined both buildings. There you go. You can learn a thing or two on this blog.

The Cathedral’s exterior very much belies the interior, which is rather more swanky.

Along with yesterday’s visit to Pisa, I recorded some video of Today’s visits. Have a look below!

We didn’t do too much of note for the rest of the day. We had lunch at Terre di Mezzo, a gelato from L’Isola del Gusto (che sorpresa!) and I marvelled at the quality of the Sky app on my new XBox (hint: it’s very good!).

Ok, this is YouTube, not Sky – but honest, it’s good!

Thanks for reading – let me know what you think!

Market Day and Picking Up Guests in Pisa (25/03/2023)

A shortish one!

We were due to pick up Niamh’s childhood friend and her daughter from Pisa in the afternoon, but up to that point, we had time to go to the the Saturday market, grab a gelato and even had a bit of lunch.

We were blown away by the colour of the produce in March. Everything was so vibrant. So, inspired – I got a gelato. Any excuse really!

Unusually, we went to Il Poggio for lunch. I do like the Zuppa alla Volterrana there.

Afterwards, I downloaded a couple of fun and easy games on the XBox, in case guest-boredom became a thing.

To be sure of picking them up, we departed early – nothing to do with my being OCD around arriving early (I would not make a good Italian). The flight, if I recall correctly, was only slightly delayed and we greeted them warmly before heading off to the Piazza dei Miracoli, as neither of them had ever been in Italy, let alone Tuscany. I was sort of excited. It’s always great to show new people around. At first my excitement was somewhat tempered by visiting the torre pendente (that’s the Leaning Tower) once more, but then I realised that we hadn’t visited for a few years and got all giddy again!

We parked in our usual spot, and skittered uneasily past the hawkers at the western door. I have difficulties remembering what it’s like for first-time visitors. I guess it must be incredibly surreal visiting somewhere you’ve only ever seen in two-dimensional abstract, and are suddenly being hit with its full glory. And it is, admittedly, an impressive place – not just the tower, but the baptistry, museum and cathedral too. We have also lately learned that you can walk on top of the walls here. We haven’t done this yet, so we will happily do so when another guest wishes to visit the square.

Both baptistry and cathedral lean too, but my bad photo exaggerates this!

I don’t do the touristy photos at the Leaning Tower, but at least one of our guests did! We had a stroll around, and found ourselves at the ticket office. We saw that there would be too long a delay to actually climb the tower, and that the baptistry is closed – which was a real shame – but we got a ticket for the Cathedral (which is free, but you still must collect a ticket).

In we went, only to discover that a mass was one. Fantastic, Ted! We all snuck one shot each before the nice uniformed man gave out shite to us for using a camera (even though no video, no flash). The sign indicated that no flashes were to be used, as that flash part of the sign had a bisected circle through it, but no – there is simply no arguing with a man in uniform in Italy.

Our brief glimpse of heaven before misplaced ego took over. It’s an amazing building though!

Now, here’s the thing. I have no more photos of the day. Anything could have happened, but my strong guess is that we just chilled and ate at home. Sorry about this – it’s unusual of me to not have taken photos to give me a clue. And these days it’s also unlikely of me to have left it 8-9 months before posting about a day. Hopefully onwards and upwards going forward!